Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I've been here for 3 months now. I'm still in the process of finding a job, and it's totally humiliating that a mature woman can't even get an interview to work at a fast food joint. I do have to admit that I've taken a few days off here and there from scouring Cragislist and hitting up retail websites to give myself a mental break, but all in all, it's been a nearly full time job with out the rewards.
HOWEVER, last week I did what I vowed I WOULDN'T do when I moved. I marched myself down to the closest Ice Cream shop, and told them that I used to be an assistant manager at a store in North Carolina, I was looking for a job, and did they have any openings. Of course the girl at the counter did her job and pretty much shoo-ed me off with the whole "it's the slow season" spiel. As I was trudging to my car, very disappointed mind you, she came running out the store and asked me to come back in and fill out an application, because I had "experience". Ok..
Needless to say, the manager called me this morning and asked me for a contact number for my former manager in North Carolina. I received another call this evening, and I get to go in for an interview tomorrow morning. We shall see if I can WOW him and get a few hours a week in.
My life has been wonderfully.. slow. Taking a class at a time (granted, they are INTENSE!) and that's about it. I've met a few people here, some I'm really thankful that I did, others, well,.. I'll reserve judgment on.
So, I'm wondering... since my life seems oh-so-boring, should I even bother with this blog anymore? OR, should I tell everyone about the mostly boring life of a 40+ woman, trying to go to school, find herself, meet a man who will respect her, and start a new life on the opposite coast? The ups and downs of dating as a "mature" woman can be hilarious, but the question is, do I want to expose myself that way? I've been wondering, since I seem to be the "black sheep of the family" do I revel in that post, and try to maintain it on purpose? That's a question that has been asked of me this past week. Do I tell my family (or the world at large) things about my life to scandalize and tantilize, or because I want them to enjoy my life? It's an interesting thought.
Monday, April 11, 2011
(Second essay in my Comp class, and I think it's rather good.... I had to share.... Now to find out what my grade is.)
I met her on my eighteenth birthday. I was young, naive, and fell instantly in love. Her big brown-gray eyes, her soft dark hair and her cute button nose clenched the deal. The moment the nurse placed that beautiful, little bit of a thing in my arms I felt utterly at peace for the first time in several months. And although that peace was short lived, for at least a few moments I caught a glimpse of the future. As I put my child to my breast and felt her suckle, as the oxytocin flowed, we fell in love. I felt at peace, content, and I knew from that moment on, my life would NEVER be the same again. I felt a connection to women all over the world, and knew that there was nothing I couldn’t do, and nothing I wouldn’t do for my child. And now, 22 years later, a new bond has formed one that has taken me entirely by surprise.
Nobody had prepared me for the utter joy and contentment that motherhood could bring. The first time I truly understood how amazing a newborn could be was when my mother brought home my baby sister. I was 4 at the time, and I remember my mom sitting for hours, rocking Beth in a wooden rocking chair crooning the lullabies that she used to sing to me to that tiny blonde baby, and she would look so content. I would imitate my mother, and rock my baby dolls and sing to them, try to nurse them like my mother would do my baby sister. But a baby doll is a poor substitute for an infant, and the emotional reactions that happen when you hold a baby don’t happen when you hold a doll. There are things that can’t be taught, you have to learn through experience. Motherhood is one of those things.
As I held my first born, I suddenly understood the beaming Madonna in portraits. Before this moment, I never understood why she looked so happy, so ecstatic. As a mother, I felt initiated into a secret society of women. I felt that this was the meaning of life: to give life, and to nurture life. This was what I was meant to do. All those years playing with my dolls, then later babysitting the neighbor kids was just the prelude, I was finally stepping on stage for the opening act. Seeing those big brown-gray eyes looking back at me as my child took nourishment from me for the first time was the single most awe-inspiring moment of my life.
Later, as my child grew bigger, the awe inspiring moments were fewer and further between. Nevertheless, at certain moments, the oxytocin would kick in, and the peace and contentment would reign supreme in my soul. If I was feeling stressed out, I would snuggle her into me and sing those lullabies that my mother would sing to me, and I would feel contentment, joy, at peace. These scenes of joy and difficulty would repeat themselves as I grew as a mother and my child grew into a strong-willed individual.
My life took on a whole new dimension as a few short months ago as another beautiful child was laid in my arms. Looking down into her gray-blue eyes as she stared back up at me, gave me such a feeling of contentment that I hadn’t felt in nearly 18 years. Holding my first grandchild in my arms for the first time was a reawakening of my soul. Feeling her tiny fingers clasp around my pinky, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the world is a much better place because she is here. Suddenly, the same feelings that I felt all those years ago while holding my first born were renewed, but with a depth that I never knew existed.
It’s amazing how my life has come full circle. As I was holding my newborn, I didn’t think I would ever feel so at peace with the world. Now, nearly twenty two years later, I find that I can get back that intoxicating feeling. I cannot imagine anything else that can bring me to that
level of contentment, apart from for watching my children, and then my grandchildren, grow up and have families of their own. If I can see my progeny have even half as much joy in their lives through sharing them with the ones they love, then I will consider my life well lived.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
That “nice guy” I was seeing the last time I posted? Still a nice guy, just not MY nice guy. We parted ways in early December. We still talk about once a week, but really wasn’t my cup of tea. Sorry Luigi!
Allie had her first Christmas. It was a blast watching her play with the paper. We survived quite a few days of snow down here in the South, and the December/January was fairly brutally cold. This former Idahoan has thin blood and can’t stand the cold. I’m ready for Spring already!
I became a mother-in-law for the second time. Tansy and David tied the knot December 29th, 2010. They had a ceremony down at the courthouse and a dinner at David’s mom’s house to celebrate. They are planning a “party” at some point in the summer (maybe?) to celebrate with family and friends.
I started taking online classes this January. I finished my first class already; I received an “A” in it. Right now, in class #2, I’m maintaining an “A” average. I take a class at a time, and they last 5.5 weeks. It’s a little intimidating, but I’m getting into the swing of things.
Danielle and I took a trip up to Virginia Beach the last week of February. We got to meet Kate’s newest baby, and Mom and Pam were out visiting at the same time, so they all got to meet Allie. Unfortunately, the Lineberrys got sick while we were there! We did, however, manage to get a 4 generation picture taken! Thanks Pam!
Allie is now crawling all over the place, and has figured out how to go up a step. We just don’t live anywhere that let’s her explore multiple steps. I think I’ll have to bring her over to my friend Kelly’s house to explore the staircase. J She is also pulling herself to a standing position and trying to “cruise”. She’s growing up WAY too fast!
Did you see those mad skillz?