One of the hardest things....

I've ever had to do, I did today. Well, career wise, that is. IF you can call daycare a career. But I digress.

I handed in my notice today. I LOVE my babies, but I really am afraid that I'm gonna drive into work one day and find out that the daycare is no more. I gotta do what I gotta do, right? The rumor mill at work has it that the boss lady is afraid that all the babies are gonna leave when I do. That's quite a compliment right there. I was offered "more" money, but frankly, I can't see that really being in the budget. Sigh.... So, I start my new job on the 14th, I HAD to give 2 weeks notice, that's only fair.

Had a good weekend. Went out and looked at a few junkyards, took a look at my "new" car, and then out to visit a friend of Jody's for the afternoon. Sunday was pretty much hanging out and being lazy. AHHHHHHHHHh sweet togetherness! Jody's busy looking for a job, but we'd be willing to move. =) any sure bet jobs out there? =)~

Does any one else....

hit the "next blog" button and read complete stranger's blogs? Just curious!

So, as I was perusing a stranger's blog, they had a cool "game" that I think would be fun to do, so, I'm stealing it, and am hoping that y'all'll do the same =) (run on sentence much?)

Here are the directions:
1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you.

Let's have some.... FUN!!!!

A little good news, a little bad news.....

Which would you like first?

The good news is, I've got another job offer. Yes, it's at another daycare, but they are willing to start me at a little higher pay (not a whole lot!) and the ability to move on up. I'm gonna miss my babies, though! I *think* MissP is gonna follow me, if possible. She's the one I will miss the mostest.

The bad news.... ugg. Jody's boss let him go today. He's been acting "weird" for about a month now, and in the past week it's been even worse. We were feeling like he wanted Jody to quit, but he wasn't gonna.... SO, today, he was let go. The scary part is that we are renting our duplex from his former boss... but I guess he's being a decent guy, gonna carry his health insurance until Oct. and rent's not gonna change, and he'll call him when he needs help with a camera install.... So, again, money is gonna be tight, but we will survive!

Well, it's late, nearly 9pm, and we haven't eaten yet.. SO, I better go drag something out.... I'm starving!!

I hab ab colb!

Tee Hee. Dont'cha just LOVE summer colds? I'm drugging up with mucinex and sudafed. Hoping that it doesn't settle in my chest. I think BabyS gave it to me. That poor thing is so sickly. She's ALWAYS sick. She went home very cranky Thursday, had a Dr.'s appt, and come to find out she has an ear infection. She's gone Friday and Monday, and comes back yesterday. BabyS was blowing snot bubbles outta her nose all day long. She came back today, still congested, but at least no bubbles today!

So I grew a pair yesterday. =) Things are kinda stressful at the daycare. We've pretty much lost confidence in our manager, we ask for things, are told that she'll take care of it, and 3 months later, we are forced to call the owner.... Let me back up...

Our facility has 2 separate buildings. There's the "baby building" (where I work) that has carpeted floors, and "up the hill" or the office building. NO carpet in that one. So, ever since I started working there, our vacuum has had issues. Mainly, it needed a new bag probably 6 months ago. It got to a point about 2 weeks ago that the vacuum was parked in a corner, and we were sweeping the floors. (how freaking white-trash is that???) We've been asking for as long as I've been there for bags, and well, she's gonna get it, blah blah blah..... first we only asked once or twice a month, then weekly, then nearly every day.... no bag. So keep this story in mind as I relay our other issues...

When I signed my contract, I was supposed to have a review and a raise after 90 days. My 90 days were up last pay period. Obviously, I didn't have my review and no raise. SO, I went and talked to the bosslady, and gently reminded her that I was due for my review. She wrote herself a note and said she'd take care of it. In being a gossip at work, found out from 2 other co-workers who have been there for for 6 months, that they hadn't had THEIR reviews either! grrr....

Last night, after I was "stuck" with the toddlers. Usually not a big deal, but one of those children is a biter. *sigh* To top it off, I'm fighting off a monster cold.oH, and the bosslady, according to the person who was covering her, and not taking care of the toddlers, went home to take a NAP!!! NOT the best day. So, I'm walking out to my car with my dirt icky feet (Jody calls them "arkansas wal-mart feet), thinking about how I'm not feeling valued as an employee, just feeling utterly frustrated, I called the bosslady's bosslady.

Bosslady's bosslady listened to me, told me that she was glad that *someone* decided to say something to her, and told me that she would get the bags in the morning, and see what she could do about the other things.... I had a hard night trying to sleep, very worried that this would turn around an bite me in the butt. On the up side, we got vacuum cleaner bags today!!! ahhhh no more big chunks of dirt on the floor. =) I'm happy about that!!!!

Ok, so, I'm gonna close, I'm tired, sleepy, eyeballs bulging, head ache, sniffles.... I need to wash the spitup and dirt off and wait for Jody to get home. He had to drive to Myrtle Beach today.... lucky him.....

Gratitude

Things I'm thankful for:

The rain.
MissP's smile.
My sisters!!!!
My kids. =) (even when they break my heart)
Ok, my brothers too.
A roof over my head
my job


I figured with all my complaining, it was time to say something positive. =)

Update...

Ok, so now that I'm NOT sitting around feeling sorry for myself....

We sat around all day today and the only thing that got accomplished was a few naps, a load of dishes and a few loads of laundry. BUT we did it together. =) amazing how that makes a difference in the loneliness factor, huh?

We went to the drag strip last night. Jody wanted to put our friend Adam's car to the test. He and Adam built the motor (honda v-tech) and put turbo/boost on it. The track is a 1/8th mile, and he got the time down to 9.5. He was having difficulty gettting the front tires to grab, so hopefully with different tires, it'll go faster. :) AND he raced against his friends Mustang.... and kicked butt all night long... GO HONDA!!! lol, giggle.....

Also, some of the "married friends" showed up, and I got to hang with some cool women! Ginger dropped the hubby and kids, lost the car seats and put on her helmet as soon as they got through the gates. I'm not sure how many trips down the track she took, but she's a pretty good driver. :) We joked about putting the hybrid on the track for the giggle factor... maybe one day. Before it goes back to sit in the driveway in Concord.

Beth, I so get how much fun you had. Jody was saying that it was too bad that you didn't live closer so that he and Chad could race. :) Our door is open, little sister. :) We'll even make sure the place is child proof for my adorable nephews. The offer is extended to ALL my family, by the way. :) (just give me enough notice to make sure the beds get made and floor vacuumed, at least!)

Ok, I'll sign this... a much happier gwen marie

I hate the weekends!

You know, Friday rolls around, and I can't wait for my weekend to start. Nothing to do but be lazy, hang out and enjoy myself, right??

Here's the deal. Saturday always comes crashing around me. No plans, Jody heads off to the junk yard for hours, and I'm home... alone. Yeah, I suppose I should clean up around here, cause if I don't then it wont get done. I could call my kids... Oh wait!!! only one wants to talk to me, and that's only if I want to come get her and do something totally fun, like go to the beach. Don't get me wrong, I don't want Jody to stop going to the junkyard, it's what he's done for years! I've had FUN going with him in the past, but to tell you the truth, if it's hotter than 75 degrees, standing around in the sandy-ish soil, looking as cars isn't really my idea of fun. So, since I have no friends, no family, no life, I sit around feeling sorry for myself. Looks like the vicious cycle is going to begin all over again.

I know it's not up to someone else to make me happy. I just am b*tchslapped every weekend with the realization of how much I gave up to be happy. And then, sometimes, I wonder if I am happy. Yeah, when Jody and I are having a conversation, or even just hanging and holding hands, I'm happy. When I'm playing with the babies in my room, I'm happy. It's when I'm alone, when the house is quiet, when I see the closed bedroom doors that used to belong to my children, then I'm not. When I sit alone for hours and hours because I don't know if we are going to have plans for the rest of the day, when I have no idea if there is anything to do in the area, and I'm not 100% sure how to find out, when I'm afraid to start a friendship, because there is the definite possibility that we may move, and soon... well, then the water works start, and I can't seem to stop.

I gave up so much for this relationship. My son hates.. HATES me, my oldest's fiance seems to be doing everything in his power to sour my relationship with her, and my youngest loves me, but if I don't fit into her schedule then I'm quickly forgotten. My mother and I had just barely come to an understanding and dare I say a mutual respect, and then I had to go and blow that by being honest. I'm not sure that we'll ever get back on track.

In the past, I could go for a drive, clear my thoughts, find a park and chill, get home and be ok. Well, the moment I get in my car all I can think is, If I drive NOW, that means I'll have to put gas in sooner, how many trips to work would this pay for?

Ok, so in the middle of my crying, the door opens, and in walks Jody. He tries to comfort me, and he apologizes for making me cry. It's so hard to explain to him that I'm just lonely, and I in NO WAY, SHAPE or FORM expect him to fulfill all my needs. that's not fair, it's not right. It's just..... lonely out here in the boondocks. But he did say something about sending me out to see my sisters one weekend, considering the fact that the VA job isn't even close to being a possibility. Hummm.. wheels are turning... Yes, I'm feeling a wee bit better, but if anyone has any suggestions on how to find stuff to do... I'm all eyes!!!

Just cruisin'...

I went to check out my younger sisters' blogs, and wadda ya know, one of them is subscribed to my blog! I really hadn't made it known that I had a blog on here, it was done on a whim. I have always thought that unless you have kids, or a very interesting job, or a busy social life, what do you have to talk about really? Hummm.... well, not much, but I'm trying.

Still, work work work. I get out of the house at 8am and don't get home until roughly 7pm. I'm wiped out by the time I get home. I would love to get to know more people, I am a people person, but never really go anywhere/do anything to make that happen. Not too interested in the church here, went once, I guess I should give it a try again... We'll see.

There is a mommy at the daycare, one of my baby's mommies, that I think I would really love to hang out with. She was mentioning that she was moving this weekend and didn't know what to do with "MissP". I kinda said, well, you can call me and I'll watch her! Gave her my number and kinda hoped for a call.. *sigh* no call. Also, One of my co-workers mentioned something about hanging some weekend. She felt the need to say that she and her bf sometimes drink "a little" when they go on the lake, and I laughed about it. Many of the women we work with are VERY conservative, or at least try to pretend they are. Gave her my phone number too... Maybe she'll call. :)

Jody is doing his favorite thing today. Hit the junkyards, look for parts. I got a haircut, and did some shopping. Spent well over my budget, but got stuff to stock up on. Body wash, Veet (yeah, can't go with the wax! Thanks Penny!!!), COFFEE!!! a new shirt... but i still ended up spending $60. I only brought 70 with me, that was before the hair cut... YIKES!!!!

You know, now that I'm earning my own money, I'm much more aware and conscious of where the money goes. I used to be a Starbucks fiend. Now I think about it and about die when I think that I have to work a half hour (at least) for a cup of the yummy stuff. Yeah, I've had Starbucks TWICE since I've moved down here, both were when I was "on vacation". And then, I felt guilty for spending the money on it....

See, this is why I don't blog, all I end up doing is complaining! So with my last complaint, I'll close this.

Happy June!

So, it's June. We are pretty much halfway through the year. And here I am stating the obvious. So far, it's been good. Many changes, but when is that really bad? I'm not sure I regret any of the choices I've made, perhaps the way things happened, but I'm happy now.

So I found out when my 20th high school reunion is. Happens to fall the first weekend of August. I'd love to go, but man, don't think I can swing it. I'm still having a hard time believing it's been 20 years! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? Where did the time go? Sometimes I feel like I'm still that 17yr old girl, unsure of herself, not sure where her future is going... other times (like when I get up and my knees/hips/back kill me!) I feel like I'm closer to 50. *sigh*

So, Jody and I went to Six Flags, ATL. last Sunday. We drove to Atlanta, GA. late Saturday, arriving at our friend, Adam's, home around 10ish. We probably stayed up until 1am just talking before deciding to have his friend Liz meet back up with us in the morning around 9ish. Well, by 11ish, she finally arrived (she was so tired when she got home, she set her alarm for SATURDAY,not Sunday. I was smart and slathered myself with lots and lots of sunscreen. WHOOT! No sunburn. I'm not a ride type of person. I *want* to enjoy them, I get excited about going on them, but then, once I'm strapped in, and the ride is moving, I suddenly remember my fear of heights, and the panic sets in..... then the nausea. But I manage to hold onto my lunch and enjoy the ride... twice! I'm so proud of me. 2 rides!!!!

So, not much else going on.... Working on a new afghan, loving it. Enjoying my job. What else can I say?